If: Fates
by Fyras14
Summary: Her choices are random, done in a spur of the moment out of fear or acceptance, out of loyalty, out of love. Even the choice where she takes no sides, never feels right. Not after the first time…not after the second…the third…the fourth. And then, life begins again. One-shot. Birthright, Conquest, Revelation routes spoilers.


**A/N:** This is what happens when you think too much of soft resetting or starting the game over and over again...not a new idea, I know...but I felt a little miserable today and now, I can share it. Also, I'm sorry.

 **SPOILERS FOR BIRTHRIGHT, CONQUEST AND REVELATION ROUTES...READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.**

* * *

 _ **If: Fates**_

* * *

Kamui didn't know when it started; didn't know when it would end.

They had begun one day…she had been ten, she had remembered that much.

 _(but time moves on…and now, age didn't matter)_

The dreams would always come, once, every month then every day. She remembered being frightened; she remembered the tears and the cries of anguish as she buried her face on Gunther's chest.

 _(she doesn't cry when she dreams…not anymore…she just accepts it)_

Her dreams would tell her stories of days to come.

They would tell her about Silas _(the boy that she forgot)_ , about Jakob _(the forgotten boy)_ , about Felicia and Flora _(the kidnapped heirs to the Ice Tribe)_ , about Gunther _(the traitor of the King)_ , about everyone.

The dreams that hurt the most, and the ones she had the most often, were the dreams of her siblings _(all of them)_ and how they would die. They were horrible, graphic, terrifying.

She cried and cried and no one could comfort her…no one ever could.

She dreamt and kept on dreaming, until the day came…and all her dreams would become a reality.

She would learn the truth _(the ugly, terrible truth)_ and then, she would make a choice.

Kamui had been young then, not understanding the two sides that cried out her name and the consequences that would soon follow.

 _(she had forgotten)_

She made a choice; and Ryoma congratulated her.

She was back home, where she belonged…from where she had been taken.

 _(mother was dead)_

She remembered feeling rage; a strange feeling, a strange reaction. She remembered wanting vengeance and blood. She remembered not caring about the consequences. She remembered her other family ( _her -_ _fake-_ _family_ ). She remembers breaking their hearts, one by one.

She remembers Leo…she remembers Camilla…she remembers Xander…and she remembers Elise.

 _(…and she remembers Flora, even as she burns…she still remembers)_

The rage is gone. Vengeance feels empty.

 _(Xander and Elise are dead…Lilith and Flora, too…and she's so tired of vengeance…so tired of the rage…so tired of her homeland…)_

And then, life begins again.

It's her tenth birthday again; she's alive and she's back in Nohr…back where it all began.

Her choice is different, years later.

 _(like always, she forgets her dreams as she grows; she doesn't forget now)_

Her heart has hardened but her love remains true. She tries to change fate but finds fate too held up by strings and blood for it to move her way.

She remembers the feelings of hopelessness; it begins in the Ice Tribe Village ( _Flora doesn't burn…she doesn't burn!_ ) and ends in Cheve and Hoshido. She remembers the massacre and her weakness. She remembers the anger and terror. She remembers Takumi's rage ( _odd that it reminds her of her time in Hoshido all those -_ _years-_ _dreams back_ ) and his death. She remembers Ryoma's rage and cries of vengeance. She remembers Hinoka's disappointment and Sakura's tears.

 _(the dream ends…death comes for her brothers and her sisters are there to pick up the pieces…what was the point…?)_

And then, life begins again.

 _(and she forgets…)_

But this time, her choice is neither.

She listens to the songstress; Azura, her other half ( _the one that always disappears as the nightmare unfolds_ ). She follows her deep beneath the waves and realizes her dreams were lies.

Her choice has purpose now; two sides hate her now, but at least, they live.

She remembers the outrage. She remembers the disbelief.

 _(she remembers the corpses of the dead, of her Mother, coming back to life)_

Then, she meets **him** , the King of Valla, the Forgotten God.

She remembers fighting him and then…

…life begins again.

The cycle repeats and like always, she forgets.

Her choices are random, done in a spur of the moment out of fear or acceptance, out of loyalty, out of love. Even the choice where she takes no sides, never feels right. Not after the first time…not after the second…the third…the fourth.

And then, life begins again.

 _(and somehow after years of experience and loss, she remembers)_

And when she remembers, she begins to plan.

Her mind is old and wary, and the changes are strange.

Her family in Nohr doesn't understand it. They are concerned.

 _(she wants to confess…to tell them the truth…but she doesn't…)_

She doesn't smile as often. She doesn't laugh as often.

 _(she has laughed and smiled too many times before…she wants to cry…she wants to forget…she wants to remember)_

She pretends to care for their sake ( _and she still cares but the future is bleak and she is so tired_ ) and she trains. She trains to become powerful. She trains to become the best.

 _(she trains to prepare herself against Takumi, against Garon, against…Anankos)_

Events play out as they always do…but this time…she strikes first.

Hans is dead and Gunther lives ( _would he always die, she wondered_ ) and her plan falls in motion.

They are captured, detained, and then, Ryoma arrives.

He doesn't show it ( _he doesn't need to_ ) but he is glad to see her. Kamui is not.

 _(she pretends not to care…she pretends not to care…but too many wrong choices make her wary of him…his lies…she still remembers his lies…)_

They arrive at the capital and the truth comes out; Gunther confesses and Jakob is stunned.

She doesn't react…she is shocked ( _she pretends_ )…and then, the world changes again.

Ganglari, the gift of the Nohrian King ( _the gift of the Forgotten God_ ) returns with a vengeance; she remembers throwing the sword to the depths of the canyon when she killed Hans.

The stranger ( _her Father_ ) appears again, wielding the blade of power and destruction…events change…Kamui remembers pushing her Mother…she remembers the pain and the anger and then…nothing.

She wakes up…life doesn't start again.

 _(she is told she turned into a dragon…she destroyed the man…but she killed her Mother in her rage)_

…why did it matter anymore?

 _(she kills herself…years of anguish and rage finally take their toll…she wants to start again…she wants her Mother alive and well again…)_

And then, life begins again.

She pretends not to remember.

She doesn't want to, but she knows that if she doesn't act, she loses again.

She trains day and night; she becomes the perfect warrior.

She surprises her tutors, especially Gunther…and then, life goes on.

She receives her mission. She receives her orders. She is warned of Hans by Xander and then, she waits. She kills Hans before he gets a chance at murder. She breaks Ganglari before she is captured.

Events play out like they did before; she pretends to be surprised ( _but she's lived this before_ ) and she is left to her own devices to get used to being back home ( _how many times has she returned?_ ).

She waits for Azura to finish her song and then she asks her about her dreams.

 _(she tells her of her dreams…she tells her of the choices…she tells her of the secrets of her pendant and her song…she points to the water and whispers and wonders if they could go to that world…when they return, she cries in the singer's arms…unsure if she can go on…)_

Kamui believes she can make the right choice…but the world is a cruel, cruel place and the choices she makes, she realizes, won't matter.

 _(her dead Father returns, wielding a new Ganglari, and instead of the Queen's life, he takes Azura instead…)_

She remembers waking up in a cell…her Hoshidan family is dead…killed by a mad dragon, the Hoshidans say…killed by the trickery of the Nohrians ( _of Anankos_ ). Jakob and Gunther were the first to be executed before she followed suit.

And then, life begins again.

 _(…and she was so, so tired of dreaming…so tired of herself…)_

She thinks this time, she can change fate.

She decides to train and study more…she focuses on tactics and strategies…and compassion…and government…and politics.

Events play out as expected, but this time, she keeps Ganglari when she kills Hans. She doesn't whisper the truth to Azura and she doesn't let the sword kill anyone.

 _(…she remembers…she forgets….she took the hit for her Mother…and the dragon…they managed to control the dragon…they managed to control_ _ **her**_ _…)_

As she rests, she ponders her choices and then, she decides to whisper the truth to Jakob and Gunther when the ninjas turn their backs.

 _(…if they die…she would start again, she figures…it always happens…but this is a dream she wants to remember before life begins again…)_

She calls for Lilith and whispers her secrets…and then, she disappears…she cannot make a choice, and she tells Azura so, before the latter decides to reveal to her the truth of Valla.

 _(she doesn't tell her she already knows…doesn't tell her other half that Lilith and Gunther and Jakob already know…they're playing charades again…but they are shocked when Mikoto reveals her story…Kamui tries not to be…because this isn't the first time she hears it…)_

The journey begins again…she finds allies…she gets her two families back…and then, she faces Anankos.

 _(her Mother doesn't survive the end…but she is at peace and Kamui cannot deny her that)_

Peace reigns again…and like in her dreams before, Valla appears in the surface world again and she becomes its Queen.

Azura stays by her side…and her brothers and sisters…Hoshido and Nohr begin to learn of peace.

And the years pass…and the dreams stop.

 _(and then she wakes up)_

…life began again while she was dreaming.


End file.
